Okay, so most people know that I have an unabashed lady boner for all things G.I. Joe. I even liked the live action movie, which managed to exceed my (incredibly low) expectations and ended up being a really fun, if incredibly stupid movie. It gave me exactly what I wanted though - fucking laser beams, ridiculous grandiose schemes, and shirtless Storm Shadow (I didn't even know I wanted that but it turns out I did. A lot.). Anyway.
So, turns out there's a new G.I. Joe cartoon airing, called G.I. Joe Renegades. After I finished jizzing my pants, I immediately downloaded the first two episodes, figuring that even if it was bad, it would still be amusing cause that's the goddamn point of G.I. Joe. Half the reason I love it is that the original cartoon was so fucking absurd.
Sadly, Larry Hama's divine hand does not appear to have touched this thing in any way, which would explain why it is such a steaming pile of shit. So the premise is that Cobra is set up as seemingly benevolent mega-corporation that has a hand in every damn thing and everyone just LOVES Cobra. Out of goddamn nowhere, Scarlet decides that THEY MUST BE EVIL (I assume she's had some sort of evidence of this before now or something but it's never explained) and WITHOUT ORDERS somehow manages to collect up Duke, Roadblock, Tunnel Rat, and Ripcord - who at this point...I'm not actually sure if they're G.I. Joes. They're all specialized the way they are in the Joes but they seem to be just regular soldiers and they don't actually have codenames yet. For some reason Tunnel Rat apparently just LIVES OUTSIDE OR SOME SHIT and the military is okay with this because they're all for free-spirited nature-lovers. But anyway, Scarlet has NO AUTHORITY AT ALL but I guess the army just hands out their highly trained dudes for secret missions that HAVE NOT BEEN APPROVED BY ANYONE, ANYWHERE, EVER.
Now, this isn't like a front or anything. Scarlet doesn't secretly have backing from General Hawk or some nascent G.I. Joe-type entity or anything like that. She's just collecting up a bunch of dudes she doesn't know and waltzing into a Cobra pharmaceuticals plant...which might be okay if she had a cover story but no, she just walks in and FLASHES A BADGE. PRETENDING SHE HAS AUTHORITY. FOR THIS MISSION THAT SHE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON. BECAUSE THAT WILL END WELL.
Needless to say, shit goes to hell in a handbasket instantly and their little group gets all shot at. The not-really-Joes eventually get weapons (yeah, they came in with none - I guess you can borrow U.S. soldiers no problem but not their gear - which honestly sounds about right) and fire back, which handily recorded for later. Anyway, after that, there's a lot of fighting and a lot of stupidity. Turns out that Scarlet is working with Snake Eyes (the ONE good part about this entire shit-fest, because I love love LOVE Scarlet and Snake Eyes' working relationship. Or romantic one, at times. They always make a great team.) who does most of anything useful of the two of them. He is also somehow a fucking Jedi because he deflects laser beams with a sword, which...I just...I can't even. It looks cool and yet it is so fucking stupid at the same time.
Scarlet, meanwhile, just stands around getting hurt. A lot. Like all the time. It's a little ridiculous because the Scarlet I know kicks Cobra in the nads and rescues her own damn self (Exibit MOTHER FUCKING A
) but no, in this incarnation Scarlet's role is to get snippy with Duke and get hurt in really stupid ways. Every single fucking fight. There's three big fight scenes and she is the first one to be hurt in every single one and at the very end manages to ACTUALLY SPRAIN HER FUCKING ANKLE OR SOMETHING and has to be helped out of the building by the other guys. There's no plot point there. It's just that she's a girl and delicate and if she didn't have Snake Eyes to be her Silent Protector she would probably be dead by now.
So anyway, once Scarlet is done getting hurt they all steal a truck and run away, but turns out OH NOES, Scarlet has handed the evidence over to the WRONG GUY (make back-up copies? NAH, WHO NEEDS 'EM? You are fucking terrible spy, Scarlet. I hate you.) and it's now been destroyed, meaning that she and the Not-G.I. Joes can no longer prove that they had a legit reason to blow up a building. I mean, horrible sci-fi goo monsters (yes, they had those - it's just as fucking stupid as it sounds) are a pretty good reason for blowing up buildings. Oh, a building which is full of hundreds of innocent staffers, by the way. Who do get evacuated but only because COBRA WAS KIND ENOUGH TO HAVE CONTENGENCY PLANS FOR SHIT LIKE THIS. COBRA MADE SURE IT'S EMPLOYEES GOT OUT. THE G.I. JOES DID NOT EVEN THINK OF THEM. Anyway, the evidence is gone and NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW. YOU GUYS ARE RENEGADES. Also Ripcord is presumed dead, but is obviously not dead at all. I assume he's gonna turn up and be brainwashed or something, cause that's how Cobra rolls.
This is made all the more disappointing by the fact that there was some really awesome stuff going on in terms what the series looks like. The art style is pretty slick and the animation is...decent enough. I wouldn't have expected better. More interesting is the fact that outside of Scarlet and Duke, the entire rest of the team is PoC - Ripcord and Roadblock are both black and Tunnel Rat is Asian. So that's pretty fucking cool. And the three of them, having just met, immediately end up rubbing each other the wrong way, but it's funny and cute rather than "Scarlet is a bitch who ruins everything with her terrible plans". They, in fact, have actual personality, unlike Scarlet (and also Duke, but no one was expecting him to have one, lets face it).
So. I'm gonna watch the second episode since I have it and technically it's the second half of the pilot, so maybe some of this will be resolved, but I'm not holding my breath.
Now, I'm a big fangirl for Cobra ANYWAY, but it's fucking sad when the series is so badly written that legitimately want them to win just so that all of these characters will die horrible, lingering deaths.
Because. Seriously. You know what the world needs? A shitty Wonder Woman TV show where she has three love interests. THREE? FUCK, LETS SHOVE SOME MORE MEN IN THIS SHOW THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT A FUCKING AMAZON WHO FIGHTS CRIME. I DON'T THINK THERE'S ENOUGH MEN. WHY, WITH ONLY THREE MEN WE MIGHT THINK THAT WOMEN COULD DO THINGS ON THEIR OWN OR DON'T NEED TO THINK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS ALL THE FUCKING TIME OR EVEN - GASP AND FUCKING SHOCK
- MIGHT WANT TO FUCK OTHER WOMEN.
I shudder to think what the show will do when it has to touch upon such thorny topics as Wonder Woman and feminism. I keep having horrible acid flashbacks to the Wonder Woman animated movie - which was not as bad as I feared it would be, but still REALLY FUCKING BAD - and wanting to violently punch things. I don't care how fucking hilarious Nathan Fillion was as Steve Trevor (very hilarious, I must admit), his prominent role in the story was still fucking bullshit, as was the development of their relationship. Diana was apparently so hard up for sweet sweet cock that she'll go head-over for any ol' asshole who crash lands on her island regardless of how blatantly disrespectful he might be. HOW ROMANTIC...if you're the type of person who likes Twilight. I also don't see Superman needing Lois Lane's extensive, direct, physical help in the climactic battle of any of HIS movies. And if a movie written by Gail Simone and directed by a woman STILL CAN'T LET WONDER WOMAN BE A HERO ON HER OWN WITH NO PENISES INVOLVED AT ANY POINT, I do not want to see what's going to happen with a series for network TV.
And I'm not holding my breath for the casting job either. They say they want "late 20s to 30s" but somehow it's going to be Jessica Alba in a star-spangled bathing suit. Or it'll turn out to be Katy Perry for no raisin and then I will have to actually set the entire production on fire with my mind.
Man. I don't even LIKE Wonder Woman. I just want there to be a show where a woman can be the lead and the hero and get shit fuckin' DONE and the male characters will be minor supporting cast who get to stay in the fucking kitchen and watch while she fuckin' takes care of business. ALSO NO FUCKING ROMANCE. I like relationships between characters. I do. But every time a female character gets a boyfriend, suddenly shit is all about them so you know what? This time, lets just not. At all. It doesn't need to happen every time. Fandom will take care of that shit anyway, you don't need to worry your pretty little head over an actual romantic subplot. Just toss a few suggestive scenes in for a couple characters and let it go.
Ahahahahahaha OH BOY. They put out a new serial novel for Gundam Wing, based some time after Endless Waltz. The translations I've found so far have been pretty terribad (understandably so - translating manga is one thing, translating prose must be fucking hard as hell for someone who isn't a professional) bur I am going to read the hell out of this shit because summaries said the magic words: "Treize Khushrenada's background". It's gonna be SO AWFUL and I will have to, like, pretend none of it exists. Y'know, for this fandom that I haven't cared about in like seven years or something. IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THAT TREIZE AND ZECHS ARE NOT SO SECRET EX-BOYFRIENDS, OKAY?
...AND I WILL NEVER BELIEVE THAT MARIEMAIA IS ACTUALLY HIS DAUGHTER.
Because, you know, Zechs is OBVIOUSLY his ONE TRUE LOVE and a dude can't be bisexual or anything. Oh, younger self, you were so dumb. Although I do stand by the idea that Mariemaia isn't his daughter because a random, one-night stand with a nurse is absurdly out of character for him and the idea that he could have a daughter and not know about it seems ridiculous. He was literally the most powerful man on Earth and he didn't think to, ya know, check up on that lady he supposedly fell madly in love with while she was caring for him at the hospital? Yeah, I don't buy it. And we know Dekim lied to her about plenty of shit, why not lie about her parentage too? She didn't even LOOK like him. No forked eyebrows? Not his kid.
Forked eyebrows = obviously a dominant gene. Look at Dorothy and tell me that's not the case. I DARE YOU. (Search your heart, you know it to be true.)
I can't believe I just wrote all of that AND that I remembered Dekim's name without re-reading a summary of Endless Waltz. Oh god why. I could be using those braincells for social skills or something useful. Train time tables, for example.
Seriously though, someone on my friends list needs to care about this too so that we can both read and complain about how it's breaking everything.
420 Terrible 90s Anime Every Day. (13x6 4 LIFE - THEIR LOVE IS SO
ONE SIDED BECAUSE TREIZE IS A CRAZY EX-BOYFRIENDPURE)
P.S. Special icon just for this post. Awwwwyis. Treize, you foxy opera watching bastard you.
This post has been brought to you by the time 7am and the letter L, for Loser.
Last Saturday my mom called me to tell me that my childhood cat, Rascal, had gone into renal failure and had to be put to sleep. Naturally, he chose the time when I was most busy and least able to do much of anything, such as write this post. This is how cats roll and especially how Rascal liked to roll - he was named that for a reason, after all. In a way, was sort of good. Saturday I was in central Jersey finishing off our adventure in the Dark Heresy game and then after that has been nothing but moving and running around and getting caught in snow storms.
Really, it's sort of unreal to me that he's gone at all - I haven't lived at home for a while now, so it's not like he's an every day part of my life, but I sort of expect him to still be there when I get home.
Here he is, by the way:
In his natural habitat: the kitchen, looking faintly disgruntled at the lack of food being presented to him. He always won in the end - he had mom and I wrapped totally whipped.
Since we worked at a vet, we've always had a lot of animals at the house, but Rascal was my first cat. Our neighbors found a litter of white kittens in a storm drain and we ended up taking them in. All of them were rather ill-fated creatures - I think all the others ended up dying young in one way or another. We kept two - Rascal and King Zookinac (my brother named him...) - and Zook disappeared after a year or two, never to be seen again. So it was just down to Rascal, the last of his (ridiculous inbred, stray cat) line.
He was one of those animals that are very...people-y. Most of the rest of the cats are just cats and they're lovely animals, but Rascal...was people, in that way that only makes sense if you grew up with him, like I did. Everyone always has one of those pets and Rascal was the one for me.
I didn't cry about this when mom called me, but writing this now I'm crying quite a bit and I don't really know how to put into words how much personality he had, all his little quirks and odd habits, and the way that he was part of the family, at least for mom and I. When he was very young he used to suck on his toes because he'd been weaned too early. When he got older he used to go hunting and bring us everything from voles to squirrels, clearly in an attempt to keep us silly humans from starving to death. He tried to rescue my mom from the bathtub once, apparently greatly concerned about her habit of soaking in water - obviously an unhealthy one when she has a perfectly good tongue to bathe with. He used to groom my head if I would lie down next to him. Towards the end of his life he got quite cuddly and spent most a lot of his time sleeping, though right up until the end he always had to be outdoors. It wasn't always the best for his health - he's fallen out of a number of trees and gotten into fights with other cats, but it was all worth it because he wanted to be out there. He had his little kingdom and he was happy. In the last few years he stuck closer to home and mostly just napped in his spot under the bushes by the front door. Used to give mom a heart attack about once a month as he became hard of hearing in his old age and wouldn't immediately wake up when she called to him. After I graduated college I used to go lay out on the front steps and soak up the sun with him patiently attempting to groom me in spite of my hair.
In a way, it's good that this happened now. I was absolutely terrified that he was going to get seriously hurt or killed by something when my parent's moved down to Texas. So many things down there he'd never encountered before and him always stupidly adventurous and brave. This, at least, was quick and painless and peaceful. I just wish I could have seen him one last time.
So. That's it then.
I ran out of packing tape, so I guess that means I'm taking a break. Here, have a meme:
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Oh god, YOU again.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
...Basically none. Just a bunch of coins, which I'm not counting for you.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
4. Favorite planet?
I dunno...I'm pretty easy-going about planets. Ask me about asteroids sometime though - (don't fucking ask me about asteroids).
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
SCOUT YELLIN' AT ME. I, like, never hear it though.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
A shirt my mom brought back from Bermuda. She likes to bring me t-shirts from places I haven't been so that when people ask me what those places are like, I can only shrug.
8. Do you label yourself?
Not really - every time I do, it changes. I'm fickle like that. Or crazy. Probably crazy.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
Well, at the moment I'm sitting in my house, so they're some lovely Neev brand feet. When I choose to cover them up, it's with a pair of CHAMPIONS from Payless. They look like Scout shoes and that still makes me happy because I'm a doofus.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
BRIGHT. I NEED LIGHT, DAMN YOU. I like the way dark rooms smell though (yes, I realize that's not actually - ). FULL OF PHOTO PROCESSING CHEMICALS.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I don't really know them, I just follow them on y!gallery.
12. What does your watch look like?
A pantech cell phone. :B
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"Any interest in a changing[sic]: the lost game?" Gosh, that's so mundane by my standards.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Journal Square. 15 minute walk or so.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
My mom. :3
18. Last furry thing you touched?
Banshee, the cat who will someday become a pair of mittens.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
LOL, LOTS. SO MUCH FUCKING AMOXICILLIN. And one tramadol. Fucking abscess can fuck right off thank you very fucking much. FUCK.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
Who develops film anymore? (Unless they want to huff photo processing chemicals. Awwwyeah.)
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
.____. I dunno, I guess 22 was pretty good.
22. Your worst enemy?
My goddamn brain. Conservative fuck-wits come a close second, I guess, since they seem to want to do everything in their power to keep me from fixing my brain.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
Heavy, Sniper, Scout, and Pyro silhouetted against a kinda sun-setty background on one of the maps.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
I have no fucking clue. "Thanks for food", I think.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
A million bucks, we have air planes for a goddamn reason. ...Flying would be pretty sweet though, I gotta admit. It would be a tough call.
26. Do you like someone?
27. The last song you listened to?
The Suburbs by Arcade Fire, I think.
28. What time of day were you born?
Pfft, I dunno.
29. What’s your favorite number?
13. Ooooh, so EDGY.
30. Where did you live in 1987?
Somewhere in California.
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Pffft yeah, why is everyone so goddamn good at art?
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
I can't imagine why.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In English class. I remember that John Whistler came back from the office and said that we should turn on the TV, someone flew a plane into the twin towers. It was kinda surreal, I really had no idea what was going on. I honestly don't think I even knew what the World Trade Center looked like before it, uh, stopped existing.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
I suppose so? I try to be, though I know I have a mean and petty streak.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
As soon as I figure that out, I'll tell you. I've kinda been liking behind the ear tattoos lately. I know a lot of people don't like them, but I've seen some cute ones.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
I suppose Japanese would be fun. Really, any language would be amazing if I'm just gonna be magically fluent in it.
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
39. Are you touchy feely?
With the people I'm close to, sure. I'm not good at initiating though.
40. What’s your life motto?
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
My glasses, a lingering sense of anxiety, and probably my cell phone. Unless I forget it in the of B.F.N., East Texas.
42. What’s your favourite town/city?
Gosh, I dunno. Terribly cliche but New York City really is awesome.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
My laundry. ...Or wait, maybe it was the pizza.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Many moons ago.
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Am I physically capable of it? Yes. Do I know specifically how? No. But I can figure it out if I can read the instruction manual, that shit is simple.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
He's got a wife and two kids and I think he converted to Islam but he might have decided not - I know he was on the fence about it. Haven't talked to him in a while, I should give him a call. I'm dumb and shy though.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
Personally, as far as my great grandparents, in general terms. My relatives on both sides of the family have way more info though.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
Hmmm...depends on your definition of fancy. I guess I'll go with New Years, since I was going out the gay bar and had to look flash.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
MY FUCKING RIGHT ARMPIT. It doesn't actually hurt but I'm angry at it for getting an abscess. EVERY GODDAMN BITCHES, YOU HEAR ME? EVERY GODDAMN ONE.
50. Have you been burned by love?
Who hasn't? But I'm pretty bad about that shit, I guess.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING PISSBRICKS, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO RAIN ON THE DAY I HAVE TO LUG AROUND A BUNCH OF HEAVY LUGGAGE. I HATE EVERYTHING.
...p.s. going to Nekocon, back on Monday, unless today kills me.
Finished book last night, stayed up way too late doing so, for no real reason since it's a book I've ALREADY READ. I'm fucking stupid.
Woke up to discover someone in the shower at 1:30 in the afternoon, seriously, WHY THE FUCK - ? GET OUT. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THE SHOWER AT 1:30 IN THE AFTERNOON. And of course it only happens when I actually want to get a move on.
Also Banshee peed outside her box again, though this time it was directly next to the box. I hate you so, so, so, so, so much, you stupid worthless cat. I want to throw you into traffic. I wouldn't even have to leave the house, I could just toss you off the balcony.
BTW, in case NORPHERE people missed my note in the chat, I shall be at Middletown until Sunday at some point.
Also I want to re-read Men At Arms and I don't have a copy of that. >:/